A brief potted history before I really get started. My Mother was German, born in 1929, just before Hitler came to power and my father was British and an Officer in the RAF. They met around the time that my father was flying in the Berlin airlift. My mother was a translator for the Germans. I was born in Wallingford, Oxfordshire sometime in the Swinging Sixties. I was the fifth child to my parents - the first girl after 4 boys.
One brother, David, had been killed in 1953/4. He was two and a half and was run over and killed in front of my mother and eldest brother Alan ( who was then about 3 and a half) It scarred both Mother and Brother ( and Father) for life.
My other two brothers, Brian and Colin were born in 1955 and 1956 respectively. I came along much later - 'You were an afterthought' my Mother used to say, fondly!
By the time I was born, my Mother had already started drinking. My eldest brother left home around this time and went to sea to become a deep sea trawlerman.
We moved to a market town called Faringdon in 1970. These were my formative years. My Dad was away a lot with the RAF and my two other brothers left for Uni in the mid-seventies. Although my Dad took early retirement from the RAF and became a civilian flying instructor, he used to stay away during the week and come home at weekends, so I was often left to cope with Mum's drinking alone. It was a lot for a young child to deal with, but you very quickly adapt and it became 'normal' for me. I now believe that, though I had to deal with some quite traumatic situations, it helped to form the character I am now and I'm pretty happy with it on the whole. It also taught me various coping strategies which became very useful later on in life!!
We moved back to Wallingford when I was 12 years old. My teenage years weren't great. I took solace in food - wasn't obese, but fat. I had no female role model - chronic alcoholics such as my Mum tend to let self-care etc go - so I looked a mess, frankly. I had no boyfriends at this time because I had no idea about any of that. However, I did make some good friends at school - whom I'm still in touch with now - and really did enjoy my time at school on the whole.
From school, I went to University which was a Godsend, because it got me away from home and allowed me to start living my life the way I wanted to live it. I did a combined studies degree - majored in Film and Drama and Minored in History.
I worked at the University of Hertfordshire for 9 Years as a Senior Technical Officer to the Arts Therapies and now work for the NHS as a Mental Health Outreach Worker.
In 1997, I had to help get my father sectioned. He had a breakdown and was subsequently diagnosed with rapid Onset Dementia and had to go into a home. In 1999, my eldest brother (the seaman) had a Liver Transplant. Like George Best, he was an alcoholic and his Liver gave out. In 2000, my Mother died. She was alone at home and had a fall and hit her head on a coffee table. It killed her.
In 2003, my father died in the home. He had a blood clot which travelled to his lungs. A few days after this, I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. I'd found a lump. It was pretty serious. They told me I'd have to have an urgent operation to remove the tumour, followed by chemo and radiotherapy. It was malignant and would surely kill me if I didn't. I had to delay the operation because I had to organise my Dad's funeral first! That was a strange time!!
Well, I had the op and the chemo ( hair fell out, didn't feel sick but put on tons of weight through steroids and comfort eating!) and radiotherapy (exhausting) They stopped my periods with a drug called Zoladex, so I was plunged into early menopause and then I was put on a drug called Tamoxifen for 5 years. This drug is used if you have an oestrogen-positive tumour -which I had - and is designed to switch off the oestrogen receptors and there's less chance of the cancer returning. Can save your life, but is terribly toxic and buggers up just about everything else!! More weight gain, night sweats etc and generally feeling crap for 5 or 6 years!!
In 2005, my eldest brother died. His new liver stopped working because he had carried on drinking ( just like Georgie Best). A friend of mine dropped dead of a brain hemorrhage the same week so I had 2 funerals in a week to go to!!! Things never happen to me by halves!!!
For years and years, my life had been governed by stress and trauma and feeling like hell, so when I began to feel better, I knew it was time to change......
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